Confusing Thoughts and Arctic Swimming
by Eighthnote
Summary: Set in the fourth book while the flock is on the Wendy K. Just Max, reflecting on her feelings about Fang and Dr. Amazing and her experience with freezing water. Oneshot.


**This is just a little story I thought up during Testing today. It's set in the fourth book while they're on the Wendy K. I don't think it's so great but review with critique and stuffs please :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride. Not even close. I do own a shiny prom dress and a red pen.**

I angled my wing slightly and began a slow circle, watching the _Wendy K_a thousand feet below. There was Angel near the railing, talking to the whales swimming nearby. The Nudge Channel was in full swing and Iggy - who was the target of the eleven-year-old's chatter - looked pained. At his feet sat Total, most likely trying to woo the Malamute Akila. Gazzy was walking across the deck, heading in the direction of his sister.

And there was Fang, talking to _her_. Dr. Amazing. His back was to me so I couldn't tell what he was saying or see his expression but I clearly made out Brigid laughing.

Acid churned in my stomach and I changed direction, circling over the black sea. _Get it together Max! _The voice in my head was mine this time, thanks. Was that as strange a line to you as it was to me? Okay, just checking.

Fang was just so confusing. That time on the docks, with his lips against mine, I'd realized I loved him. Maybe I'd already known. But did he feel the same way? Did I want him to? My stomach was clenching in fear and I hugged myself, trying to stay together. I was Maximum Ride, I could conquer anything.

I could ignore it, ignore my feelings and hope things turned out okay. But when I looked back towards the _Wendy K_ and saw Dr. Amazing hug Fang I knew that option was out. Fury and hurt surged through me and I turned away.

That part of me that just wanted to give in to my emotions and see what happened between us was stronger now and I remembered a lesson I'd learned from the Voice - _go with the flow_. I considered the worst-case scenario if I went with that option and shuddered in terror, hugging myself closer. Images of Fang, of the flock, all leaving me, flashed through my mind like a brain attack.

Suddenly, on an impulse, I tucked in my wings and dove. Down, down, down. I was going so fast. I could barely hear Brian's exclamation of surprise over the wind in my ears as I shot past him. At the last possible second I opened my wings and laughed as they filled with wind, carrying me upward again. My feet skimmed the frigid water and I gasped as the numb feeling set in almost immediately. A thrill of adrenaline was pumping through me. For a few moments I'd managed to forget Fang's flirtations with Dr. Amazing. The confusion set in again as I glanced down to see them both staring at me.

Fang and Brigid, Fang and me...It was too confusing.

I looked down at the water, wondering how close I could get to the surface before unfurling my wings and flying safely awa. The feeling in my feet hadn't returned and I entertained the thought of my knotting stomach being equally numb - or my heart.

Screaming in exhileration I dove again, streamlining my body and wings and pouring on the speed. And I knew as I approached the flashing waves that I wasn't going to stop.

"Fang!" I heard Angel shout but he wouldn't be able to stop me, wouldn't be able to catch me. I heard a woman scream - Sue-Ann, Melanie, Brigid? - before I sliced through the surface of the water.

It was like hitting cement at this speed, but the cold quickly vanquished the feeling. My skin burned from the frigid temperatures for a moment, then nothing. It was wonderful. I felt my muscles fully relax for the first time since Angel's kidnapping so many months ago.

It wasn't long before I was tired, too tired to swim even if I wanted to. Occasionally I would be forced to the surface and each time the boat was further away. From somewhere I could hear my flock yelling for me but I was too cold to respond. My thoughts jumped around, unfocused, never staying on one subject for more than a moment. The Voice was somewhere in the back of my mind, yelling, but I ignored it. I was too tired to care, deathly tired. Gradually, I drifted off to a cold, empty sleep.

* * *

Dimly, I was aware of pain in my throat, of being warm, of a hand gripping mine.

Wait. Aware? I was sure I'd be dead. The more I thought about the last events I remembered, the agrier at myself I became. I'd been so stupid and worse, in the cold, I hadn't cares. Hadn't cared I'd almost left my flock without a mother, without a leader.

I opened my eyes and tried not to flinch at the sudden light. "Oh my gawd she's awake! Max are you okay? We were all so scared, and you had a fever, and -" Iggy had clapped a hand over Nudge's mouth and I grinned weakly in thanks. Angel and Gazzy sat beside the bed I was in, watching me with small smiles.

"Don't be angry at yourself Max," Angel said in her innocent voice and I clamped down on my thoughts. The hand holding mine gave it a squeeze. Quickly, my head turned to the left and my eyes met Fang's. He was looking at me impassively but I knew him, knew how tense he was.

"How?" I croaked out. Jeebus my throat was _sore_.

"Angel called a whale to get you out of the water and Fang," here she looked at Fang with admiration, "carried you back to the boat. Hypothermia had set in but you're recovering really quickly." She sounded like she was trying not to ask questions about our regeneration.

I nodded. "I think I'll be fine but...can I have some -"

"Here Max!" Angel handed me a glass of water and I smiled gratefully.

"Melanie said your throat would be sore from the salt. Oh geez Max, you could have died! You almost did! What were you -" Now it was Fang's gaze that shut off the Nudge Channel.

"I think we should give Max some time to rest," said Melanie. "Comon guys." I nodded at my flock and they hugged me and followed the scientists from the room. All except Fang. Dr. Amazing stood in the doorway, waiting expectantly. My heart hurt and I looked away, sure he would join her.

"I understand," Brigid said softly and I looked up to see Fang shaking his head. I cocked an eyebrow at him after she'd left.

"Can't leave you alone. You might decide to drown in your water pitcher." His voice was almost expressionless, if I were anyone else I'd have missed the edge of steel in it. I couldn't meet his eyes.

"You idiot!" he growled and I jumped, startled. "I've said it before. You're such a pain." I looked up, remembering the last time he'd said those words and my heart beat faster in anticipation. His thumb rubbed circles on the back of my hand.

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I wanted him to kiss me, more than I cared to admit. And I hated the part of me that wasn't relieved when he shook his head and leaned back in his seat, eyes closed. "Get some sleep Max," he said simply, and a piece of my heart broke.


End file.
